Prime Real Estate

Honestly what is even considered prime real estate.   

According to Google AI, Factors that contribute to a prime location:

Proximity to Economic Centers
Prestige and Reputation 
Growth Potential 
Natural Beauty 

I was chatting with my neighbor yesterday about the house for sale two doors down, he told me how much it is listed for. 

Well, if you look at Zillow, estimated property value of the homes on my street you wouldn't believe it. I mean how in the world do they get these numbers. 

Jim was like why are they so high on our street but the next street/neighborhood over not as much?  I said Jim! Look around you! We live on Summit Driiiive!!! The best street in the CITY! THE FANCIEST THE MOST ELITE THE CHOSEN HILL...FURTHERMORE, I SAID YOU HAD TO GO AHEAD AND SEAL YOUR DRIVEWAY AND MAKE ME LOOK BAD!!!! NOW LOOK AT MY DRIVEWAY. LOOK AT THE CRACKS,  JIM.  THEY LOOK WORSE NEXT TO YOURS.  Heehee he laughed. When he got mulch a month back, I said, "spill some over here,  will ya!!"

There's video footage on Carmen's phone of some of my reaction to the Zillow Zestimates.  She has kindly shared with me.  She wanted to video me talking about it all and I heard the play back and I said,  "Carmen is this what you hear every time I get amped up?? I'm so sorry this has been happening to you your whole life."  And she said,  "Yes it's actually more intense in real life"(or something to that effect) and continued to follow me around. 

So before I go on,  allow me to bless you with these tantalizing tutorials...

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

SOOOOO YEAH....Zillow Zestimate people have never been in my house.  They don't know that I just took 125 pounds of metal to the recycle place yesterday and a lead acid battery from my garage to the recycle place and they paid me $17 in cash. Now that's prime real estate! I took that cash and got my son and daughter ice cream. We made a memory (associated with food, of course). You won't find that on Zillow. Raise my taxes for having cash in my pocket,  may as well. 

I told my other neighbor there should just be people standing outside our homes collecting money the minute we step outside. Oh wait, there already is... the Amazon delivery guy. He lives in my driveway and plugs in to the power outlet in my garage.

 He's waiting for the drones. 

 How about how much my master bedroom is worth...because it's on the main floor? Great view? Original 1978 carpeting? Oops ... that must make the value go down.  But the 3 beautiful, euphoric births of my children in that very master bedroom? Value skyrockets. Maybe not to you.  But that's prime real estate to me. 

You know what THEIR prime real estate was? Only a little muscle called MY UTERUS (I know you read that in a sing songy voice with a know-it-all vibe. If not, read it again!).  

Their first home inside my home! 

Emmett asked me today what they actually did during my procedure (hysteroscopy D&C). I said they went in,  Emmett. They grabbed some samples and then scraped it out! I said,  that was your first home address,  Emmett! 

It wasn't weird,  I promise.  He smiled.  So cute.  He knew he was standing right next to my bed where he was BORN. He knows the story of how we worked together on his actual BIRTH DAY, and we met right there for the first time.  We're cool like that.  

Outdated kitchen.  Original linoleum. Original cabinets. What does that do to the value?  I had a little chair hooked to the counter and fed my babies at that wobbly counter. (Safety alert, it wasn't as wobbly then as it is now) I watched them grow up in that kitchen and get taller than that counter...and now taller than the fridge... and now they can reach the very top shelf in the cabinet. How many times have I danced in the kitchen with the mop and made them giggle? How may times did Carmen and I dance in the kitchen together? Use the spatula for a microphone and conducted live news interviews on the spot about their day while I'm heating up nuggets or feeding them cereal. Oh I think that may have been only once, but it definitely made the value go up. 

It got me to thinking.  I will probably Airbnb my uterus. What would the Zestimate be?

 

Prime real estate.

Newly renovated.

Been around a while, had some foot traffic, but good as new.

Single occupancy 

Rent for 9 months at a time... or enter it as the newest Smithsonian exhibit 

Do you have your own slice of digital prime real estate on Facebook? I don't.  NOT ANYMORE.  I GOT HACKED TODAY AND IT'S ALL GONE JUST LIKE THAT.  

In the famous words of Jim Carrey in The Truman Show to Christof, "YOU NEVER HAD A CAMERA IN MY HEAD!!"

To the hacker in Singapore who messed with me at the wrong time when I was coming off anesthesia and pain medicine today,  you haven't won.  I have. 

I will always win.  

Because my prime real estate is untouchable by Zillow, by Mark Zuckerberg,  by the city of Waynesboro, by Jeff Bezos, by UVA Health.

My prime real estate is my mind set. 

My prime real estate is every memory that I cherish in my head and my heart.  Especially in my soul, that will some day have an eternal address where no estimate or price tag or digital device will matter at all. 

The only two factors that matter in my prime real estate are GROWTH POTENTIAL and NATURAL BEAUTY.