Ack!! My doctor called! (Part 6)

Part 5

Part 4

Part 3

Part 2

Part 1

Ok here we go, people! 

It's go time!!

 

A little background.... have a test....wait....results go to the portal...google every word...wait... talk to the doctor....wait.... schedule another test/procedure....wait...

It's such a good thing for me that Lent just started yesterday.  I began this waiting and discomfort in January. So 40 days in the desert with Jesus is just  what the Heavenly Doctor ordered!

I mean,  Jesus knew what it was like to wait. Jesus knew discomfort,  that's for sure! 

So I have a good example!

Imagine how he felt on his 30th birthday... it's go time! Finally! After years of a quiet life... time to start His public ministry.  What about the night in the garden? It's go time! Praying and praying there while his apostles slept. He knew it was go time!

When I was in the chapel in my Adoration hour Tuesday night I randomly turned to this page in my book (because I completely forgot what page I was on because it has been so long since I picked it up),  He Leadeth Me, by Fr. Walter Ciszek. His story is incredible.  I highly recommend you look him up. This was perfect for me to read! I hope you glean something from it, as well.  

I could write about the body/soul connection for days, but this definitely speaks for itself, so I will spare you. Fr. Ciszek does it better.  He spent years in work camps in Russia.  There's nothing like reading about life as a prisoner in Russia to put things in perspective. Honestly, though, it is shocking how relatable his spiritual story is to every day life.

So now with some amazing spiritual context in the background, we left off at the biopsy on February 25th. 

My doctor just called me this morning with  results and next steps...

RESULTS: So far so good with everything! While I am NOT excited about the next procedure,  I'm happy to get this thick endometrium scraped out and studied. 

As my doctor explained JUST NOW ON THE PHONE... the biopsy results and cervical cancer screenings are good results! But wait... there's more! The biopsy only pulls the cells from directly inside the uterus. 

So since my ultrasounds showed that my endometrium is very thick throughout the whole dang organ, they need to figure out why and be sure there's nothing bad developing up in there. I'm using very specific medical terminology so try to follow!

NEXT STEPS:  Now I wait again... for the surgey scheduler to call me to set up an outpatient hysteroscopy/D&C procedure where they will get it all out and see what's going on in there! It's a twofer!!! I was concerned they'd do the hysteroscopy and then I would need a D&C separately (you know...least invasive first) but I'm glad to know I will have it all in one shot, anyway.  

Guys,  I want you to be assured that I DON'T think I have cancer. I understand there are a myriad of things this could be...all manageable, thank God.  

I also want you to know that I have had so many exams and procedures up in that area that it has just been difficult emotionally for me.  

I am also transitioning to the great change of life and that in itself comes with emotional challenges, as many of you know.  

I'm also adjusting to not teaching....I dream about school/ teaching/ my students every night.  

This morning it was preschool, I was subbing in preschool and I made slime for the kids and one student started eating it and throwing up and I started yelling at him.  Honestly,  the dreams are so incredible because so many parts of them are soooo real and they weave in and out to real feelings I have in real life as well as being interspersed with completely preposterous things.  The dreams usually happen right before I wake up and then I wake up feeling lost. It's wild. It's an adjustment.  That's all I can say.

I'm also adjusting to not having a paycheck and looking for work from home jobs and deciding if this is it for teaching...am I going to change paths completely? 

I'm also thinking I should stop saying "also" and using so many exclamation points (!!)

Let's turn our focus to the 4 stars of my uterus!! LOL, we love the Goldbergs and I use the line all the time that Beverly Goldberg used when she was telling her kids to do something or trying to prove a point, she would say, "My body made your body".  And it usually shut everyone up. Ha!

Beverly Goldberg

It's only appropriate that I share with you all what incredible humans my body produced from that bloody organ....

Johnnnnnn, my youngest John.... homeschooling and putting up with mom and all these appointments.  He's about to be a teenager in May! He's so smart! He has the math knowledge as well as the language and writing ability. He has creativity with his incredible lego builds.  He's resilient and funny and spiritual and kind.  He's also TALL!!! He is a great altar server and Emmett just showed him how to be cross bearer this past Sunday!

Emmett just turned 18! He's an incredible man and I'm so proud of him.  He is days away from earning his Eagle Rank.  He is a great mentor to boys at scouts and also serving at the altar for mass. He made a CAT6 cable right in front of me yesterday.... loving his computer networking and software class at Votech...getting his younger brother all set up with his own computer.... being an admin on his account so John won't be able to log in to gaming until after his schoolwork and chores are done. I love them.

Carmen and Bowser

Carmen is never home because this girl is taking on the world her senior year and I'm so happy for her! The lead antagonist in Sleeping Beauty! She's Carabosse! (Maleficent to Disney fans) She's on the tennis team.  She is on stage crew for the school play. She volunteers at the preschool. She goes to EMT class at Blue Ridge after ballet until 10 pm for extra credit for her EMT class. She was the first one I called when I talked to my doctor though. ❤️❤️ I love her.  She's a loyal friend and has a heart of gold. She also serves at church in any way she can.

To the baby who only lived in my uterus for only 6 weeks and then passed away. I'm glad your father and I got to say goodbye to that little sac of you in the petri dish and have some closure. You were a good 40th birthday present...I know you have a soul. I wanted so bad for you to make it so John could have a little sibling close in age like Emmett and Carmen have in each other. 

So see?? It's not all about meeee, but somehow I have to find a way for something to be about me as I "grow up" and figure out what life in my 50s will look like as my children become independent and find their own paths in life. 

Thank you for being there for me as I completely melt down and figure out what life looks like with grown up children who pass by me in our home with....wait, what??? Their own paths, their own thoughts,  their own goals? Thank God they need to eat.... thank God for the refrigerator and the whole kitchen. I see them there and I love having watched them grow in that particular room of our house. 

So like I said, it's go time! 

In many, many ways.

And be assured that my time in the desert this Lent will be full of offering up everything for your intentions.  After all, I am not that far gone emotionally to understand that I certainly do NOT have a monoply on suffering. Whatever you are struggling with, you are so worth it! You are so worth the attention, prayer and relationship that brings support and love to you.

I'll end with a picture I recently saw that my sister, Laura, took of Emmett and me 18 years ago.  Ahhh, the time when he was a newborn and it was just him and me while George was at work. W lived in Manchester, NH while he was working up there temporarily.  The 3 months in that apartment with Emmett was an incredible time..so happy and new...new mom...new baby...new husband...new life.